Merry Fucking Christmas, and Then Some!

Now that the holidays are upon us, you are undoubtedly looking for the perfect Christmas card to express your feelings of warm tidings and yuletide glow to friends and loved ones. Naturally, we here at Sleazy Greetings believe you should hit them with our “Merry Christmas You Fuck” Christmas card.

Of course, those of you with a prudish ilk might balk at the idea. Melding one of the holiest holiday greetings of the year with one of the worst curse words in the English language?

“What, are you fucking nuts?” might be what you’re thinking.

But if you are prudish by natural inclination, perhaps your train of thought doesn’t include that F-bomb. In fact, if the very word and its numerous variations make you cringe, you might be on the cusp of abandoning any further reading of this article, lest you are forced to see the word in print again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—and fuck!” 

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

OK, so along with getting you to purchase our brilliant Christmas cards here—do check out the others—we are extolling the virtues of what we believe to be one of the greatest words in the English language:

“Kerfuffle.”

Kidding. 

We are obviously referring to “fuck” and all of its many variations, which, by the way, can include “kerfuckle.”

“Kerfuffle,” is a fun word in its own right, but by utilizing “fuck” within it (or within other words) one can heighten the depths of a word’s meaning. Thus, while a “kerfuffle” might be taken as a minor disagreement or bothersome activity of sorts, “kerfuckle” implies a distinctly more heated disagreement or bother.

Fuckin’ genius, right?

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. Let’s start with the basics, and, if you are of the prim and proper sort, get you over the fear of seeing, hearing, or—"gasp!”—saying the dreaded word. With regard to the latter, for fuck’s sake just say the fuckin’ word out loud:

“Fuck!”

Now say it again:

“Fuck!”

Didn’t that feel good?

Now think about something that makes you feel really excited and exclaim:

“Fuckin’ A!”

Didn’t that feel oh-so-natural?

Now, let ‘em rip:

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—fuck!”

Notice how brilliantly it rolls off the tongue? We would posit that no other word rolls off the tongue so brilliantly.

We could go on here, but you’re probably getting the drift, and hopefully over your fear or disdain for the word.

As for the basics, the word fuck is often used to refer to the act of sexual intercourse. In many cases it is considered the act of lovemaking absent the love between the parties involved, though couples in love can certainly fuck each other into blissful oblivion (and if you’re looking for a great Christmas card for your significant other we recommend our “Screw Kissing—Let’s Fuck” Christmas card).

Fuck as sex is secondary to the word’s other uses, though, whether as noun, verb, adjective, interjection or adverb. It can be used as an intensifier, insult, complement, endearment, or expression of disgust, anger, fear, outrage, surprise, pain, disappointment, elation, or just about any element covering emotional response.

It’s all in how the word is used and its cadence perceived. If somebody says “fuck you,” to you, chances are the word is being flung out in anger. “Fuck off,” though might be a warning flung during rising anger, or a chide referencing disbelief in something you said. “Fucked up,” might mean someone is really intoxicated,” or that a situation is confused or otherwise messed up.

Typically, the intent and meaning of the word is obvious to those hearing or reading it, though those of the aforementioned prudish disposition may not always correctly interpret it due to unfamiliarity with its usage.

We will un-fucking-doubtedly examine this word more in a future blog. But we’ll close by pointing out that our Christmas cards are certainly not the first melding of the word fuck with Christmas. Just consider popular culture and Hollywood. Die Hard, which made a splash as a Christmas movie of sorts more than 30 years ago gave use about 50 fucks, including the legendary “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker” exclamation.

But Die Hard has got nothing on The Night Before (2015), which gives 150 fucks, Bad Santa (2003), with 173 fucks, and Bad Santa 2 (2016), with 180. Now that’s a whole lot of Christmas fuckery.

And with that we wish you a Merry Fucking Christmas and tidings of in-fucking-credible joy!