20 Funniest Christmas Cards For Men & Women

The Christmas season is already stressful enough as it is. Between meeting up with family, rushing to find presents (let’s be real, who does it ahead of time?) and spending on a budget, don’t let looking for a card add to your anxiety. This list contains twenty great choices of funny Christmas cards for men and women that’ll make looking for a card the easiest part of your to-do list. 

1. Direct and relatable, anyone receiving the card will definitely get the point. The obligatory Christmas card with a dash of humor. 

Purchase the Fucking Christmas Card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99.

2. There’s two types of people around Christmas time; those who love wrapping presents and those who hate it. But when that final piece of tape is placed and you look at your perfectly wrapped box, this Freddie Mercury stance sums up the feeling. 

Purchase the Bohemian Wrap-Sody card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99. 

 3. This minimalist card is perfect for anyone who dabbles in the dating scene. Call them out for their endeavors this season in a way that’s sure to make them laugh!

 Purchase the Favorite Christmas Ho card at Kate Rucker Design on Etsy for $4.41.

4. Sometimes we forget that Christmas is not a holiday where we just exchange presents, but rather celebrate the birth of Jesus… just kidding, it’s all about the presents. 

Purchase the Jesus Birthday card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99. 

5. Unless you’re Michael Scott, in which case Christmas is all about the office party. This card would be perfect for anyone who loves the show and the masterpiece that is the Christmas Party episode.   

Purchase the Sorry Your Party Is Lame Jesus card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99.

6. This card is perfect for someone who may have been a little naughty this past year. Commend them for living life to the fullest and without regrets with this funny Christmas card! 

Purchase the One Day Of Coal card at Noble Works for $4.95.  

7. The song that invades the airwaves the day after Thanksgiving and continues all the way to Christmas. For a whole month you’ll hear it in restaurants, malls and public restrooms; becoming the accidental theme song of the season. Remind them that even through a greeting card, they are not safe from this annoyingly catchy tune.   

Purchase the All I Want Is You card at OG Greeting Cards on Etsy for $5.00. 

 8. After a stressful month leading up to Christmas, anyone could relate to this sentiment. Almost seems like the alcohol can’t reach your system fast enough. It’s finally time to relax, unwind, and worry about the hangover in the morning. 

Purchase the Inject Eggnog Into Your Veins card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99.

9. The rated PG-13 version of an innocent Christmas song. Perfect for anyone with a sense of humor or those who may get a little emotional during the holiday season. 

Purchase the Better Watch Out card at the Potty Mouth Press on Etsy for $4.80. 

10. Those who are born in December have the misfortune to not only have their one day be overshadowed by Christmas, but also receive joint Christmas/Birthday presents. Better consider your wish list well because you only have one shot a year!

Purchase the Happy Birthday & Merry Christmas card on Amazon for $6.99.

11. When time’s are tough and your financial stability is a little… unstable, let them know with this funny card! Although you didn’t get them a present, at least they got a card.

Purchase the Holiday Card at Spicy Card Studios on Etsy for $6.91. 

12. Whether it’s a reminder for your mother to keep the fridge stocked during this years party… Or a funny Christmas card for your best-friend/wine-buddy, this card gives a new meaning to a White Christmas. 

Purchase the I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas card at Moonpig for $4.49.  

13. On a similar note, everyone knows that Christmas is a time for drinking. While the kids are opening presents, the adults are drinking away their sorrows over receipts and maxed out credit cards. There was never a better excuse to get *lit*. 

Purchase the Wine Christmas card at Paper Violet Designs on Etsy for $5.50. 

14. This card doesn’t necessarily need an introduction since most people are accustomed to this tangled mess. You would think we’d figure out a better way to store Christmas lights, but until then we’ll spend more time untangling them than we do actually putting them on the tree. 

Purchase the Tangled Christmas Lights card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99.

15. If the person who is receiving this card has a family that gets pretty rowdy at holiday parties, then they’re sure to get a kick out of it. Maybe this years Christmas miracle will be getting through a dinner without someone leaving with a black eye. 

Purchase the Deck The Halls card at Borderline Greeting Co. on Etsy for $5.00. 

 16. If they jumped on the train of everyone who was obsessed with watching Squid Games during 2021, then they’ll understand the reference. At least it’s another year eliminated and not a life. (Plus, I would rather try to carve out a gingerbread man than an umbrella.)

Purchase the Oh Snap Christmas Card at Moonpig for $4.49. 

17. Okay, it’s time for the his-and-hers cards on this list. Perfect to wish that special someone a Merry Christmas with some subtle (or not so subtle) naughty hints. The first option is the modest suggestion, gets the point across without appearing too raunchy. 

Purchase the Let’s Get On Santa’s Naughty List at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99. 

18. However, if modest is not you style, let her know that although you can’t guarantee a few inches of snow on the streets you can guarantee a few inches in the sheets. 

Purchase the Expect A Few Inches Tonight card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99.

19. The funny Christmas card that any guy would love to receive. It’s a win-win for him and he’ll probably be pretty pleased with himself! 

Purchase the Only Package I Want Is Yours card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99. 

20. Then here’s the Christmas card which is a little more blunt  and is sure to get a laugh. Take his mind off of not receiving the PS5 that he’s been asking for, because honestly who can afford that, and I’m certain he’ll forget he even wanted it. At least momentarily…

Purchase the Your Present Is My Vagina card at Sleazy Greetings for $4.99.