10 Hilarious and Naughty Valentine’s Day Cards That Might Actually Get You Laid

Valentine’s Day is all about love, laughter, and, let’s be honest, a little bit of action. If you’re tired of the same old mushy cards that make you cringe harder than a first date gone wrong, we’ve got you covered. These 10 hilariously inappropriate Valentine’s Day cards from Sleazy Greetings are guaranteed to bring the laughs—and maybe even a happy ending.

1. Vintage I Got Something You Can Eat - 70's Vintage Valentine's

   Nothing says “let’s have sex” quite like this gem. This card is equal parts vintage charm and wildly inappropriate humor. Bon appétit! 

2. Are You A Campfire? | Naughty Valentine’s Day Card

   “Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot, and I want s’more.” This card combines outdoor vibes with indoor intentions. Perfect for the partner who loves puns almost as much as they love you.

3. Vintage Talk Dirty When You’re Married - 70's Vintage Valentine’s
   

   This card is hilariously relatable for the long-term couples who know the real dirty talk starts when you’re cleaning up after dinner. 

4. Vintage Sit On My Face Until You Suffocate Me - 70's Vintage Valentine’s

   Subtlety? We don’t know her. This card skips the pleasantries and gets straight to the point. For couples who know what they want and aren’t afraid to ask for it (with a wink, of course).

5. Let’s Get It On (Dark Toned)

   Simple, direct, and impossible to misinterpret. Whether you’re sealing the deal or setting the mood, this card does all the heavy lifting for you.

6. This Card Sucks, But I Swallow

   Remind him just how lucky he is to have you. Spoiler alert: you didn’t need a card to remind him.

7. “Forget About the Small Talk.”

   Sometimes, you don’t need romantic poetry or cute doodles. This card cuts through the noise and says what you’re really thinking.

8. “There Are 206 Bones in My Body. Wanna Make It 207?”

   Anatomy lessons just got a whole lot more interesting. This cheeky card is the perfect icebreaker—or deal-sealer—for Valentine’s Day.

9. “Is It Hot in Here, or Is It Just You?”

   The classic pick-up line gets a Sleazy Greetings upgrade. With “Wow, you’re soooo hot!” as the punchline, this card is the ultimate ego boost for your Valentine. 

10. “I Daydream About You Inappropriately”

    Sweet and sleazy, this card is for the hopeless romantic with a dirty mind. It’s flirty, fun, and just inappropriate enough to make them blush.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be all hearts and flowers. With these cards from Sleazy Greetings, you can keep the holiday lighthearted, hilarious, and maybe a little hot. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just starting out, these cards will ensure your Valentine knows exactly how you feel—snark, sleaze, and all.